Randomness and Refocusing

The blog is approaching three years this September and my goal remains to provide the kids insight into their youth that my memory will not. Generally my post are chronological narratives of our adventures, abusing the text with glowing adjectives and exclamation points. Sometimes they are more reflective. These are just as valuable, similar to how architects use people in renderings: to show scale.

I was talking with a good friend the other day about the kids and hit a nasty – metaphorical – wall: keeping perspective as a parent. So much of the day’s mental resources are completely focused on them and their long-term/immediate needs that it seems a narrowing naturally occurs. Sometimes this narrowing distorts the truth, both good and bad. What I wanted to hear during this little chat was wall-validating-sympathetic-negativity, what I got was a laugh and kick in the heart.

It was exactly what I needed.

I can't wait to do this one day. Float about in my saggy old skin, chatting with other bitties. I'll likely be the old one wearing red shades not paying a lick of attention to the teacher while I gab in the back. You should have seen how they melted over Aria.

This past Wednesday I had the amazing opportunity to spend the morning with the kids at their swim lessons. Had I not had the good kick in the pants I needed about keeping a healthy perspective I could (and would) have easily focused on the negatives, worried about the differences, been jealous of the regulars and fretted about things I couldn’t control.

Little Miss here telling me all about something. She demanded the camera moments later.

Instead, I was completely refocused on them and this unique opportunity on a random Wednesday to just be together. I live for mornings, nights, and the weekend as a working mom. My one-on-one time per kid is not even measurable, my collective time pales in comparison to other activities in my life. My feelings about this are my own, but I recognize that the place to reside about this is in the positive place. Because at least that time exists.

Being refocused gave me a chance to really marvel at Aria, who surprised me with her quick understanding in the class and her natural desire to achieve. She’s a small package packed with powerful (free) will and fearless confidence. She enjoys engaging people and has an electric laugh. And I found myself thinking, “Wow, she’s mine.” I learned – quickly – how capable she is and made a mental note to look for more ways to provide her educational challenges. She’s on the verge of an exploding vocabulary and is repeating perfectly. She constructs great sentences, we just don’t always understand them, and is an amazing singer. Very creative! Words of warning for anyone around water with Aria, she is not afraid and will jump in. Promise.

Roland was the best swimmer in his class. Again, I marveled at how much he thrived from the challenges and I love that. His bright mind has me on my toes most days to continually teach him concepts of our world. I adore his questions and try to answer each and every one. His grasp of the world around him is expanding constantly, from the relationship of the sun and earth, to categorical associations, and it's thrilling. He creates great poems and songs and is a terrific singer as well. I've brought home a sketch book I think will be fun to start using as a creative writing tool. And on a super personal note, he led me down stairs this morning, just excited to show me the sunrise.

There is an online site I subscribe to that updates me once a quarter with the “work of inspiring individuals.” As a designer I am trained to see design opportunities in everything. This is why it is so disheartening to lose focus as a parent when my only task is to see the wonder and awesomeness in my kids. That's it. This quarter's featured artist draws with glass while aglow at 2100°F.  She loops, stretches and presses the smoking mass of lava atop paper to create abstract drawings known as pyrographs. The video of her work is amazing and there are a few points of the interview that resonated with me.

She says, “The way I work with glass is almost opposite to what glass artist would do. I am a really bad student, I have no control and I’m not interested in developing a skill so much. It’s important for me to be surprised. Once I get perfection, I think the series will end.”

I am not an educator and will never be one. By some great chance I am a parent who will never be skilled as one and definitely not know what control is. Being surprised by my kids is a value to be cherished. Both good and bad, I will never really know what is going to happen next. I never want this wonder to end and hope my children are never perfect to anyone other than me.

Such a great little swimmer!

Lastly, she talks about the concept of randomness, the power of letting it happen rather than controlling. I think this is a foundation in Brian and I's parenting. Children are like molten glass. We control, but we are really letting things just happen. That’s the joy of being a parent and actively parenting. We are constantly shaping and creating with molten glass, sometimes even when we are letting go of control. They are delicate and powerful, capable on their own of so much, but only in a relationship of understanding the power of randomness do I imagine they will really shine.

And I am comfortable in that perspective.